You are everything. You do not need anything more or anyone else to be complete or whole. You have everything. Things, do not make you any more or any less than what you are. You deserve everything. Nothing can make u less worthy than what you make yourself worthy of. You are the world. You are whole. You are divine.

5 minutes.

10:54 p.m.

she said; you take the joy out of everything.
she said; i have to get out of here before it’s too late.
she said.
I can’t breathe anymore.

10:55 p.m.

We’ll eat.
It doesn’t matter what, or with whom.
We eat to survive.
We eat for the sake of eating.
But he draws the food, when he cooks for me.
and as long as he doesn’t anymore,
I eat for the sake of eating.

10:56 p.m.

leaving means arriving.
arriving means starting.
starting means processing.
processing means ending.
ending means leaving.
leaving means arriving.
arriving means starting.
starting means processing.
processing means ending.
ending means leaving.
leaving means leaving.
leaving means always leaving.

10:57 p.m.

my life has been spammed.
by people.
by advertising.
by manipulation.
by consumption.
by society.
by religious interpretations.
by expectations.
by hopes.
by dreams.
by lost hopes.
by shredded dreams.
by gender.
by politics.
by nationality.
by words.
by the lack of words.
My life has been so destructively spammed.
by you.

10:58 p.m.

all you need is love.
all you need is bullshit.
all you need is money.
all you need is a nose job.
all you need is a striper.
all you need is power.
all you need is a penis.
all you need is talk.
all you need is a lipstick.
all you need is manipulation.
all you need is brainwash.
all you need is a sandwich.
all you need is a bullet.
all you need is a cigar.
all you need is a movie.
all you need is bullshit, really.
that’s all what anybody ever needs.

17.3.2009

an excerpt from an e-mail to a friend:

As for love, well, what can I say?
everyone needs someone. that knows everything without being told.
Maybe he exists in our own minds, in that specific way.
And it’s hard to ignore that urge, to be with someone.
It’s hard to pretend that it’s marginal, unimportant and mushy.
So I won’t ask you not to think about it.
I should ask you though, to have patience.
and patience, unlike waiting, is a struggle. (And that’s my answer for my own question that I posed on philo-night)
When you’re patient, you’re struggling against the world, against difficult circumstances, against urges, desires and temptations.
While waiting, is only a lack of action, a passive existence in the hopes of a better tomorrow, a solution out of nowhere, something to come along and rescue you.
When you’re patient, you’re in a battle, mostly against yourself. When you’re waiting, you just hold on.
When you’re patient, you have faith, in god and in yourself. In God, because He shall reward you, no less than you deserve, and in yourself, because in you being patient, you acknowledge that you deserve more than what life is throwing your way, that you are rising above silly circumstances or an impulsive desire, that you are the most graceful creature god has created, and that you will rise above and be patient.
While in waiting, you crack your knuckles, tap your foot, look at your watch … and wait.
So that being said, I ask of you to be patient. To fight that urge of finding someone. To have faith in God that He will throw someone your way when *you* are ready. That, you’ve waited for so long, and it will not and shall not and will not … go in vain. Because no good deed does. And in that specific matter, holding ourselves from being swapped away in that termoil of puppy love, young relationships and affairs is indeed a good deed. And that is why it will not go in vain. Because, come on, If you want a boyfriend, you can get one … it’s not like it’s a hard thing to do …
but instead, you want something bigger, more meaningful and hopefully everlasting.
I like to believe that this in itself is a struggle. A struggle against a society that makes love relationships seem so easy, while in fact they are not.
A struggle against a society which makes love more of a market than an actual valuable exchange of hearts. A struggle against our own desire to become part of this society. A struggle against the urge to love and be loved in return, the temptation of living the romance we see all around and that is planted in our heads. We struggle, and i like to think that it will not go in vain.
It’s not easy, and it gets harder everyday. Not only because you’re wishing for that someone to come along already, but also because of the pressure that is exerted on us to get jiggy with it.
It’s not easy.
But they didn’t call patience a virtue for nothing.
—

Riem A. Hassan

This reoccurring dream.
I dig in my luggage.
fabric. rhythmic hand movement. silence.
I talk to someone.

“I haven’t unpacked yet.”

blackout.

ce7fc2

The actual me exists in a parallel world, I am not really aware of.

What I am aware of though, is that this version of me certainly feels like the echo of an echo of an echoing echo.
What I am aware of though, is that this version of me certainly feels like a copy of a copy of a copied copy of something very, very beautiful.

#3411e3

Fleeting moments.

Nothing matters.

Isolated, in a given moment, I stretch my arm into space, leave it hanging there for a second.
I, then, move it back to where it originally was. just a second ago.
My arm is where it was, two seconds ago.
I am where I was two seconds ago.
The thought in my head, two seconds ago, is nowhere to be found, once that exact second when it existed in my head, is over.
My whole existence can be shifted back two seconds ago, and nothing would have changed.
If I sat there for an hour, for a day, for a lifetime, in the exact posture, mechanically breathing,
my existence can travel the whole spectrum of time, backwards and forwards, and nothing would change.

Fleeting Moments.

Isolated, in a given moment, I stretch my arm into space, leave it hanging there for a second.
This time, I scratch a mark on the wall.
I, then, move it back to where it originally was. just a second ago.
My arm is where it was, two seconds ago.
I am where I was two seconds ago.
The thought in my head, two seconds ago, is nowhere to be found, once that exact second when it existed in my head, is over.
But there’s this mark, this time, that proves that at a given time, and space, I have made the hand movement that manifested the thought in my head into reality.
That only sets us with a new environment, of the new moment that’s taking place right now.
The physical evidence of the past that’s around us do prove that something did indeed happen in the past.
But their moment is over, hence their existence, or the lack of it, does not matter.
Now, there’s only this new moment, with this new set of circumstances.

Moments that pass, in which we leave no physical evidence behind us, do not matter.
Moments that pass, in which we do leave physical evidence behind us, do not matter.

Physical Reality is nothing but thoughts manifested at a given time, by someone, who was thinking something, at a given moment.
and because it’s over, it doesn’t matter.
and since it’s always over, it never matters.
Real Reality exists in our heads. Life is the set of thoughts that run through your mind.
One thought, lasts a moment.
If we put it in the image of a sentence, once the moment comes when the second word of your sentence is born in your head, the moment in which the first one was born, is already dead.
There’s always only one moment.
and because it’s over, it doesn’t matter.
and since it’s always over, it never matters.

All moments are fleeting.
and nothing ever matters.

#AADD00

so I decided to do something I have never done before.
because I need to lose me for a moment. To step outside who I have become.
So I did something I have never done before.

It wasn’t life-changing. And it wasn’t very inspirational or enlightening. It didn’t contribute much to society and It certainly didn’t change the world. It didn’t end world hunger, or save us from ourselves. It didn’t help a person be who they want to  become, and it didn’t make me a beauty queen. It didn’t make me connect to the divine, my inner child, or take me on an out-of-the-body experience. It didn’t make me happier, smarter, more successful, or kinder. It didn’t make life fair, and it didn’t make love last forever. It didn’t mend hearts, and it didn’t cure pains. It didn’t make the time right, nor did it make me immortal. It didn’t make things real, or unreal. It didn’t make dreams come true, and it didn’t turn sand to gold. It didn’t make any difference in anyone’s life what.so.ever. including my own.
But now if somebody ever asks me if I have ever danced half naked to blasting R&B music, I would say: “Yes. I Have.”

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